Finally learned how to run a #cron job. It's a good lesson: sit and read and understand before you go monkeying around. And before you give up.
tl;dr THERE ARE MORE WAYS FOR IT NOT TO WORK THAN YOU WOULD THINK
https://serverfault.com/questions/449651/why-is-my-crontab-not-working-and-how-can-i-troubleshoot-it
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