Discussion
been on two dates since breakup. both went great then got yelled at by both women shortly after. i realised this morning that both of them got mad at me because i said no to some request. one wanted me to say sweet nothings to her, the other wanted me to say i loved her back. but here’s the thing, they got mad saying they did things for me to deserve it! this guilt trip transactional perspective really lands like shit with me. is this common? #dating
@[email protected] Ah crap. Sorry you're having to deal with that kind of thing.
Is it common? Probably, although I've been out of the dating game for a couple of decades. Is it a useful red flag to let you know this person isn't mature enough for a solid relationship? Definitely. Important note though: I don't think having boundaries is the same as being transactional, and it can be worth some reflection on when certain actions are really one or the other.
For the avoidance of doubt on your examples: demanding an emotional response from you is not them having a boundary...
@mavnn thanks, i have some things to think about
@ellyxir It's been a while since I've dated, but I have heard from others that transactionality is common nowadays. Stuff like "I bought you dinner, therefore you owe me X", etc.
Anyhow, I'm sorry to hear that you've been running into that. I hope your next date goes better 🙂
@j3rn yeah well 2 is a small sample set , hopefully it gets better
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@ellyxir That's unfortunate, sounds like neither are ready for a real relationship.
I think @mavnn has said things and had better ideas than I had.
Hopefully your next one is much better.