Post · bonfire.mavnn.eu

Seems like I'm on an old music kick today, so gather around boys and girls (and the rest of you) for the tail of the song that turned my life around and nearly killed me.

Back in the day ('94-95?) I got roped into helping at a concert for a band called Eden Burning. Not huge, not unknown, very fun love, the recordings showed a bit their roots as live performers and not having lots of production money. I bought a tape, but while a couple of the songs were good the combination of them sounding better live and my not so good tape player speakers meant it didn't listen to it all that much.

Michael Newton

@mavnn · 2 months ago

Fast forward a few years and I'm at university, and I'm depressed. I don't know enough about mental health yet to know it, but the combination of a bunch of stuff including the knowledge I'm failing my degree badly overall despite seeming to understand things faster than my year mates individually (hello undiagnosed #adhd) and some things having gone very wrong for a close friend means I very much am depressed whether I know it or not.

Michael Newton

@mavnn · 2 months ago

In the mean time, I've joined RockSoc and started buying CDs, so I haven't listened to a tape for a while. But now I need to drive myself home from uni, and the car only has a tape player. So I drive for a while, but it's a four hour drive and I'm tired so I stop, find the cassette, and drop it in the car stereo. And after a while, it starts playing Hem Me In, and I start crying. I mean, really streams coming down my face crying.

Michael Newton

@mavnn · 2 months ago

For some reason, that song, at that moment, was exactly what was needed to break through the depressive shell and remind of a whole bunch of core things that had got buried in the numbness. And it's a good song, you should go l listen to it as well.

The only problem being I'm still driving down the motorway at 70mph and I can't see a thing through the tears. Fortunately, I didn't die. So that's also good.

Michael Newton

@mavnn · 2 months ago

As a special bonus for reading this far, on the same album the band hired Brian Blessed for no other reason than to laugh at the beginning and end of a track. Have a look for 'The Joust' by Eden Burning, you won't be disappointed by the laugh.

Michael Newton

@mavnn · 2 months ago

Nb: hopefully this doesn't need saying but it's not that the song 'cured my depression' or anything stupid like that. But it was certainly a huge turning point in letting me know something was wrong, and to start dealing with it.